Added: Kyria Aden - Date: 05.02.2022 21:06 - Views: 41664 - Clicks: 3875
Thank you again for the lovely dinner, I am sure you will find someone soon. I have sent endless variations of those messages over the past months. That would just be brutal. But in the 8 months that I have been battling with my addiction to serial dating, nothing has led to more than a third date.
To tell the whole truth, I am not even looking for a spark anymore. Sparks stem from fire. And while it may feel warm and bright at the start, they leave nothing but destruction. What I want, what I really, really want, is someone genuine. Someone who has the same expectations and ideas as I do as to what a healthy relationship should look like.
I never thought it would be so difficult. Apart from the obvious catfishes or rude behaviour, what I have come to notice is that there seems to be a misalignment in expectations. When I read through the s of online profiles it is so easy to find a match. I love to laugh. I can even be funny at times. I am all for laughter. But this statement rarely refers to the sort of situational laughter that you share with someone you have a connection with.
What it really means is:. Someone who is not offended by my offensive jokes. I have dated guys with whom I have had a genuine laugh, but none of them mentioned it on their profile. Another dating app that I use matches profiles by questions that singles can fill in to determine if there is compatibility. How is that even a question? Ok, this one leaves a lot of room for interpretation. I am going to make a wild accusation here and say what it usually means Drama free single guy this:. Someone who can pay for their own expenses. Because in the age category that I am dating, the default should be independent.
I highly doubt that those single moms and career-women in their mids are on Tinder to find someone to look after them. And here comes a plot twist: I was in a relationship with someone who was attracted to my independence.
Turns out, his goal along was to rob me of said independence. So maybe men who state they want an independent woman mean this in a materialistic sense. A woman who has her own house, can drive and earns enough money to live comfortably. That sort of independence.
No kidding. This is not high school. We are talking about men and women in their late 30s and 40s. To me, listing this as a requirement on a dating profile just means one thing:. And yes, that was one of his mistresses. There were many. The only one playing games was him.
I wonder if I could have scared him off by stating I am not looking for someone who is playing games or loves creating drama? I have always assumed this statement is a convoluted way of saying someone reasonably intelligent and an extrovert. I love conversation. Just ask my best friends. We can spend all night philosophising about the most random subjects. Unless of course, this actually means:. I dated a guy like this. What he actually wanted was for me to listen and take in every little detail of all the things that happened in the online community of the game he was playing.
He even showed me screenshots of his achievements. I held that conversation so well! I know it can be awkward to find stuff to talk about on a first date. But for me, a good conversation involves two people speaking. This is a tricky one because I am not actually sure this is something men want at all. Until they meet someone driven and ambitious. If ambition, and I assume this implies a successful career in some form, is something desirable, then why are all my ambitious friends still single?
Carlyn Beccia wrote an amazing story that describes her suspicion that men, in fact, feel threatened by successful women. It really resonated with my experience and that of many driven and ambitious women I know. So why do the dating profiles suggest the contrary? Here is my theory entirely based on my own experience :. Men who want ambitious women have ly been in a relationship with someone they considered lazy.
A stay-at-home wife or someone who was happy to just work a few hours a week without pursuing a career. Worst case scenario — their ex has even criticised them for working too hard or not doing household chores. And in that case, what it should really mean is:. Someone who respects and admires my ambitiousness, but takes a back seat otherwise.
So, I am guessing what this one really means is:. A dog. Just kidding. I guess this statement is made by men who have either been cheated on or dumped. Being cheated on is horrible. I get it. Been there, got the T-shirt. Besides the point that men are still far more likely to cheat than women, there are women who cheat. Been there too. Would I describe myself as loyal? And now I am so much wiser….
I am definitely not looking for a long-term relationship to repeat the same mistakes. Then again, my ex was a serial cheater. Guess what he describes himself as? Being dumped is also painful. But it happens all the time. What I really wonder is, why did she leave? Does it Drama free single guy they should put up with cruel or even violent behaviour? To me, loyalty should be a given in a healthy, monogamous, happy relationship.
Someone who is fine with being my second or third, fourth… choice. It is sad. Because I am at the point where I do think I am not looking for something too serious. And I know that not all married men go through Ashley Maddison to find their side-chicks.
Or maybe they go on all the dating sites. Usually, the men that Drama free single guy not looking for anything too serious disappear from the apps quicker than I can find the unmatch button. Yes, I do. He is just a guy looking for love. Like most of us. But I stay clear of anyone using the few characters available on their dating profile to describe what they are looking for in a woman. Not that there is anything wrong with having expectations. I have them too, but I realise that people have very different interpretations when it comes to values.
I have also dated nice guys. But there were a few. What did they state in their profiles? Some left it blank, some used it to describe who they are without using adjectives. I work as. When I get time to myself, I play golf. When I started out dating, I thought these kinds of profiles were boring. Now I get it.
We all want to meet someone who shares our values and beliefs. Raising awareness of emotional abuse and toxic relationships. Narcissistic Abuse Survivor. in. Felicia C. Translating 7 common asks on dating profiles. Kara Summers Follow. What it really means is: Someone who is not offended by my offensive jokes.
Someone who is independent Ok, this one leaves a lot of room for interpretation. I am going to make a wild accusation here and say what it usually means is this: Someone who can pay for their own expenses. No playing games or creating drama No kidding. Someone who can hold a conversation I have always assumed this statement is a convoluted way of saying someone reasonably intelligent and an extrovert.
Someone driven and ambitious Well. Here is my theory entirely based on my own experience : Men who want ambitious women have ly been in a relationship with someone they considered lazy. And in that case, what it should really mean is: Someone who respects and admires my ambitiousness, but takes a back seat otherwise. Someone Loyal So, I am guessing what this one really means is: A dog. Do you really want to unmatch Michael? I Love You Relationships now. Dating Relationships Love Men Society.
I Love You Follow. Written by Kara Summers Follow. More From Medium. Zac Swartout. Are you listening to understand, or to respond?Drama free single guy
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